Hello! Its been tooooooo long! I know you been craving "hot mess" stories so let's jump right in. As I sit here watching "The Shining" on SPIKE T.V on my fourth glass of " Chateau St.Michelle" from the Liquors 44 bargain bin, I reflect on my past year in Massachusetts......and I have a few complaints. 1.Why don't you sell alcohol in your grocery stores???????? you REALLLLLY think you're better than every one else?? is this a pompous/pretentious joke? People need their BOOZE, and if I am coming in at 11 at night to buy tampons and Dove chocolate, I expect to buy my boxed wine all in one store. 2. Car inspections: let get real. For my fellow mid westerners, for those of you who don't have the pleasure of Massachusetts inspections, let me break it down for you. If you have any type of internal AND OR external light out....you cannot drive your car if your car leaks oil...you cannot drive your car if your check engine light is on....you cannot drive your car if your car comes with air conditioning and no longer works....you cannot drive your car if you have been drinking....you cannot drive your car if the wind blows to hard...you cannot drive your car. oh yeah, AND you have to pay to not drive your car once a year #3 8 Dollar Bud lights...or as New Englanders call it.. "Pale Ale" I don't give a flying fuck what you call it...its Bud light....Pure and simple. It should be 5 dollar pitchers....Dollar pint nights ANNNNDDDD free wings with purchase. These are not outlandish demands. apparently, on the east coast, you have to pay a cover at a "swanky" bar and you pay 40 bucks for a non-existent buzz.....and I HATE HILARY SWANK AND ALL OF HER BARS! #4 Vermont Drivers there is a good chance that there may be more Vermont drivers in the state of Massachusetts than actual Massachusetts drivers. and they all suck. The highways are crowded with middle aged chinese women drivers. They all drive Prius's or subaru's and they all do 5 under the speed limit and are completely oblivious to turn signals. Red Lights are optional and they are all on their iPhones. 5. Air Conditioning if you are a midwesterner like me, then you are used to the 55 degree conditions of your home during the summer months. Central air conditioning is a trend that has yet to reach the east coast. The chemical smelling meat locker of a mid western home is a pride possession that every midwesterner needs to be thankful for. Here in MASS. (Thats what the cool people call it) These left wing, hairy legged, liberals really take "living green" to a whole new level. This new level is the BULLSHIT device called the "window unit". This piece of shit, cools a half a room in your house, while raising your electric bill by double. Everyone in the massachusetts has one. As a result, you sweat while you shit...its very unpleasant. Growing up in michigan I became accustomed to a few things. 1a) Sweat shirts year round. I didn't buy those patriotic cat sweat shirts for nothing. 1b) That chemical/midwestern/air conditioned smell. Its addictive...if you don't believe me.....try going with out it for a summer. Have fun with your frequent nose bleeds. 2) MICHIGAN LEFTS: good god, the rest of the world needs to get with it! Why make 5 rights when you can make ONE left...it science and everyone should do it. Plus, this 65 mph on the freeway... IS BULLSHIT. 6. The price of books at walmart. Listen folks, I go into Walmart for a select number of things. 1. Booze ( and that is apparently out..commie bastards) 2. RIDICULOUSLY prices books, why go to barnes and noble and pay 17 dollars for a book when you can go to walmart and pay 5. Apparently this mantra doesn't apply on the east coast....and I STILL have to look at the middle aged over weight mothers of 4 in her "tankinis" hovering just a little bit too long in the freezer aisle.....ITS BULLSHIT That is all.....for now ;) over and out yo!