Did I make out with all of you last night?

Hello again!

Sorry I've been away, I was off saving the world.....ish

So much has happened! Moved to Mass (that's what Massachusetts residents call it.......if you didn't know ;)

I'm just going to jump right in.....

The Hartford incident.....Jesus Christ.

Before school even starts, I decided to go to Hartford Connecticut with the "Trio of Destruction" ( You will see why after my first 9 stories)
1. I find it unusual to already that BEFORE SCHOOL EVEN STARTS, I have managed to find the most irresponsible group of people to get drunk with and make terrible decisions
2. The select group of people, I might add, I had only met one other time and BLINDLY went to Connecticut's great capital to go "clubbin" with them ( I should mention, they are two little boys who are either, way taller than I 'therefore, can chase me down an alley' and/or way stronger 'therefore can rape me in said alley'"........but that is either here nor there at this point.


Now..... before we actually get into this story, I would like to list a few errors that could of been avoided and can help future "hot messes" in a drunken 2am, pizza filled bind.

1. Never let the guy with the manual transmission drive, No one under 30 drives them anymore..
2. Don't let the guy driving the manual transmission lock his phone in his glove compartment......
3. Don't let the guy driving the manual transmission, who locked his phone in the glove compartment, drink too much ( I might add that he is 5'4 claims to be 5'10 and is 180 pounds of tequila resistant muscle) and disappear in 2 in the morning.
4. Don't let the other member of the 'Trio of Destruction' who is 6'3 and ALSO 180 pounds of tequila resistant destruction, try to drive said manual a half of a block, then get into a screaming match with a drunk 5'7 tequila CHAMPION.....(that's me :) then leave her in said manual, STRANDED IN DOWNTOWN HARTFORD WITH COPS AND CRIMINALS ALIKE!!!!!! with the headlights on, only to come back to said car a hour later to find that the battery who was apparently drunk too..... DIED.

so let's recap...
it's 4am, the driver of the manual car is missing, the phone to contact him is locked in the glove box, two drunk ass fools are screaming at each other, and there is pizza ALL over the car, apparently in the "trio of destruction" if you are fighting and eating at the same time, the food you are consuming (in this case....pizza) WILL end up all over the 2005 Acura.......manual........ FUCKING
MANUAL!

So at 4am I have had enough, so I come up with the genius idea of taking a cab from Hartford Connecticut to Hadley Massachusetts for a staggering 200 dollars.....Now, had I been using my brain I could of paid 69 dollars for a scuzzz bucket hotel room and we wouldn't have to leave drunk manual car driver.... man in an undisclosed location in the

Hello! Its been tooooooo long! I know you been craving "hot mess" stories so let's jump right in. As I sit here watching "The Shining" on SPIKE T.V on my fourth glass of " Chateau St.Michelle" from the Liquors 44 bargain bin, I reflect on my past year in Massachusetts......and I have a few complaints. 1.Why don't you sell alcohol in your grocery stores???????? you REALLLLLY think you're better than every one else?? is this a pompous/pretentious joke? People need their BOOZE, and if I am coming in at 11 at night to buy tampons and Dove chocolate, I expect to buy my boxed wine all in one store. 2. Car inspections: let get real. For my fellow mid westerners, for those of you who don't have the pleasure of Massachusetts inspections, let me break it down for you. If you have any type of internal AND OR external light out....you cannot drive your car if your car leaks oil...you cannot drive your car if your check engine light is on....you cannot drive your car if your car comes with air conditioning and no longer works....you cannot drive your car if you have been drinking....you cannot drive your car if the wind blows to hard...you cannot drive your car. oh yeah, AND you have to pay to not drive your car once a year #3 8 Dollar Bud lights...or as New Englanders call it.. "Pale Ale" I don't give a flying fuck what you call it...its Bud light....Pure and simple. It should be 5 dollar pitchers....Dollar pint nights ANNNNDDDD free wings with purchase. These are not outlandish demands. apparently, on the east coast, you have to pay a cover at a "swanky" bar and you pay 40 bucks for a non-existent buzz.....and I HATE HILARY SWANK AND ALL OF HER BARS! #4 Vermont Drivers there is a good chance that there may be more Vermont drivers in the state of Massachusetts than actual Massachusetts drivers. and they all suck. The highways are crowded with middle aged chinese women drivers. They all drive Prius's or subaru's and they all do 5 under the speed limit and are completely oblivious to turn signals. Red Lights are optional and they are all on their iPhones. 5. Air Conditioning if you are a midwesterner like me, then you are used to the 55 degree conditions of your home during the summer months. Central air conditioning is a trend that has yet to reach the east coast. The chemical smelling meat locker of a mid western home is a pride possession that every midwesterner needs to be thankful for. Here in MASS. (Thats what the cool people call it) These left wing, hairy legged, liberals really take "living green" to a whole new level. This new level is the BULLSHIT device called the "window unit". This piece of shit, cools a half a room in your house, while raising your electric bill by double. Everyone in the massachusetts has one. As a result, you sweat while you shit...its very unpleasant. Growing up in michigan I became accustomed to a few things. 1a) Sweat shirts year round. I didn't buy those patriotic cat sweat shirts for nothing. 1b) That chemical/midwestern/air conditioned smell. Its addictive...if you don't believe me.....try going with out it for a summer. Have fun with your frequent nose bleeds. 2) MICHIGAN LEFTS: good god, the rest of the world needs to get with it! Why make 5 rights when you can make ONE left...it science and everyone should do it. Plus, this 65 mph on the freeway... IS BULLSHIT. 6. The price of books at walmart. Listen folks, I go into Walmart for a select number of things. 1. Booze ( and that is apparently out..commie bastards) 2. RIDICULOUSLY prices books, why go to barnes and noble and pay 17 dollars for a book when you can go to walmart and pay 5. Apparently this mantra doesn't apply on the east coast....and I STILL have to look at the middle aged over weight mothers of 4 in her "tankinis" hovering just a little bit too long in the freezer aisle.....ITS BULLSHIT That is all.....for now ;) over and out yo!