Never trust a natural blonde.....

Hello!

Sorry for the hiatus, I just haven't been drunk near my computer lately.

Gosh what to talk about....

I'd like to start a new segment called "Mount Pleasant don'ts" - these are observations I have accrued over my last 5 years in this sewer of a town...now don't think this just applies to Mt. Pleasant, these can smack you in the face ANYWHERE and at ANYTIME.

Please keep in mind that EVERYONE of these is true.

#1 don't. Do NOT bring your child in to the electronics section with a rat tail and then spend 59.99 plus tax on call of duty: black ops. If you can "afford" a 60 dollar video game, you can afford a 12 dollar bo ricks hair cut for your child. They will thank you later when they are not being bullied and have prom dates.

#2 don't. Tom Sellecks on Women. If I can see your thick, luscious Tom Selleck mustache from across the department, it's time to buy a magnifying/LIGHTED mirror to shave/weedwhack/pluck that fur burger on your face. Ladies....there is no excuse, its already bad enough that most women with Tom Sellecks have gravy stains on their USA and or cat Moo-Moo's (commonly referred to as a night gowns) but do you really need ponderosa buffet crumbs stuck in your mustache?? Do you really want to attract the "Milton's" and the "Lonnie's" of the world.....didn't think so

#3 DO NOT come in to the electronics section at 8:48 am and SERIOUSLY asks me to replace the batteries of your SKIPBO hand held gaming device! I understand being entertained while doing your business on the toilet, but if you come to me as my FIRST customer and you can clearly see that I have last nights face on and I probably didnt wake up at my apartment that morning,

maybe you should just poop without it that day.....

#4 This is my personal favorite....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT NAME YOUR NEWBORN CHILD AFTER YOUR FIANCE'S GAMER NAME! World of war craft is unspeakable enough, but naming your child Zane (as in Billy Zane?, Co-star of the Academy Awarding Titanic?) will succumb your child to 18 years of hell.....also known as high school.

Your child will eat alone at the cafeteria
Your child WILL be picked last in any type of athletic activity
You child will probably have cystic acne....and have weird, unmanageable facial hair
Your child will probably turn out to be as weird as you are for naming your child Zane...(again as in Billy Zane?)
You child will probably to almost POSITIVELY marry someone named Brenda or Marjorie....She will like reading harlequin romance novels, clipping coupons, the SyFy network and CROCS

If you can't think of an appropriate name for your child, just go with John or Sarah....play it safe so your child doesn't develop a compulsion to eat their own hair.

#5 Pajama Jeans.....enough said

#6 Bothering me at work, when I am CLEARLY destroying a game of freecell on my phone. If its between the hours of 8-10 and I deliberately don't look up at the counter when I can sense you STARING at me, that means the photo lab is closed until I finish my game or submit my scrabble entry on my iphone....its just common sense. I don't want to help you get a wii remote, I don't want to answer ANY of your stupid questions about pre-paid phones and I have no idea if we have any more copies of True Grit on DVD....if its not on the new release end cap that means we don't have anymore......or there is some in the back and I don't feel like looking for them.

If you repeatedly call "ma'm", "excuse me?" "HELLO?!?" AND I BLATANTLY IGNORE YOU.......walk away
go buy some ammunition or cigarettes... I can't be bothered.

#7 Do not ask me if I know anything about XBOX's or PS3's....Im 5'7, acne free, and relatively thin......I do know ANYTHING about them, I won't even lift them from the cabinet if I haven't eaten yet or if I just don't feel like it.


So these are the basics for now, Im sure I'll find more to educate you with :)


- Your Humble Servant
Jessica